people where i live are the worst drivers

EU licenses typically look like this (here's the standard German sample license)

The EU has 24 official languages alone so data fields are numbered and each country has tables in their language(s).
So when I read that my license had to be translated into English, I just printed out the official UK's department of transport's table and took it with me. When I explained the concept at the SOS office, the guy just gave me a blank stare and said that I needed someone who spoke German to translate it and no, I couldn't do it myself. He handed me a form (basically a blank page with "sign here as the translator" and "sign here as the holder of the license" at the bottom) and a list of places I could try but actually, anyone speaking German would be fine. So I took the form and asked several colleagues since I really just needed someone to spell out "name"/"date & place of birth"/etc in English on the form and sign it. Nobody really wanted to "because they didn't speak German"...
Finally, I went to the International Students Office, figuring that they've probably done this before - and got another "huh, but I don't speak German." from the lady behind the counter. So I tried for five minutes to explain the whole thing again and finally, she agreed to give it a go (although I suspect that she just wanted to get rid of me since it was almost time for lunch...). So we sat down, she looked up the table on the internet herself, filled out the form without any issue and handed it back.
Me:"Ma'am, please, the translator has to sign here."
She: "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't do that. You'll need someone who speaks German."
...
So I went to the Linguistic's department, walked into the German wing and asked the first person I saw if they'd help me. After I explained why I was here, she just laughed and signed the form. Back at the SOS office, it got accepted without problems.