Cannot get into second ascension

I used the item the chimera dropped to get into Trial of Chaos the first time. When I failed, i tried to swap it out for a lower level and it disappeared. I found another one at a shrine in Utzaal (i think) but i failed that one too and now i cant find another one to get into trial of chaos.

How do i get into the trial again? i am now in endgame.

Im frustrated to the point i might stop playing if i cant figure this out. If i clear Utzaal one more time looking for it, i may lose my mind.