[Satire] IRL Stereotypes of Every PoE2 Ascendancy — Are You Guilty?

Alright, Exiles, let’s take a break from debating patch notes and meta builds to have some fun. Inspired by the quirky personalities behind each ascendancy, I’ve crafted a list of real-life stereotypes for every class in Path of Exile 2. This is all in good fun, so don’t take it too seriously—or do, and let the flaming begin.

PS. Since english is not my first language I asked a good friend for help. I wont say his name but it starts with C and ends with HatGPT.

Let’s dive in:

Warrior
Warbringer:
You call yourself a "protector," but the only thing you’re protecting is your fragile ego. You love throwing around words like "discipline" and "sacrifice" while simultaneously refusing to split the bill at dinner. Gym selfies? Of course. Actual character development? Nah, bro.

Titan:
You’re the guy who insists on wearing hiking boots to a casual BBQ because “you never know when you’ll need the grip.” Your personality is as exciting as your favorite meal: plain chicken breast and brown rice. You’ve probably said, “I’m just built different” unironically.

Sorceress
Stormweaver:
You own smart lightbulbs and think they make you “tech-savvy.” Your Instagram is full of stormy sky photos captioned, “Nature is so powerful.” Spoiler: no one cares. You’ll talk about “energy” like you’re a scientist, but your last scientific endeavor was failing high school chemistry.

Chronomancer:
You’re late to everything and blame “the universe” for your inability to set an alarm. You’ve definitely tried (and failed) to explain Tenet to someone who didn’t ask. Your calendar is a mess, but you’ll insist it’s “all part of the plan.”

Ranger
Deadeye:
You drive like you’re in a Fast & Furious movie but can’t parallel park to save your life. You’re obsessed with speed and precision—except when it comes to making real-life decisions, where you just wing it and hope for the best. Your idea of a great weekend is throwing sharp objects at things and calling it “training.”

Pathfinder:
You’re that person who talks about foraging and “connecting with nature” while eating overpriced kale chips. You own a multi-tool but have no idea how to use half of it. You’ve probably said, “You know you can eat those berries,” while pointing at something highly poisonous.

Witch
Infernalist:
You’re a drama addict who pretends to be “dark and mysterious” but folds like a lawn chair the moment life gets tough. Your wardrobe is 90% black “for the vibe,” but you’re too afraid to light a real bonfire in case it gets “out of control.”

Blood Mage:
You romanticize every inconvenience in your life. Stubbed your toe? “It’s a metaphor for pain fueling strength.” Your Spotify is full of moody violin solos, and your idea of a fun night is writing bad poetry no one will read.

Mercenary
Witchhunter:
You’re the guy who corrects everyone in group chats with “well, actually,” then wonders why you don’t get invited to anything. You have a spreadsheet for everything—from grocery lists to dating strategies—but still can’t figure out why no one respects your “genius.”

Gemling Legionnaire:
You hoard everything—digitally, physically, emotionally. Your house is a shrine to collectibles no one else values, and you’ll die on the hill of “one day this will be worth something.” You’re also the guy who shows up to a party just to talk about your new NFT portfolio.

Monk
Invoker:
You preach calm and mindfulness while quietly seething every time someone chews too loudly. You’ll tell people to “focus on balance” while losing your mind over minor inconveniences like slow Wi-Fi. Your vibe is one yoga retreat away from snapping completely.

Acolyte of Chayula:
You’re the goth who refuses to move on from high school. You’ve got more candles than IKEA and a cat named something like “Midnight” or “Shadow.” Your aesthetic screams “dark and edgy,” but everyone knows you secretly cry during rom-coms.

I thought of this as another instance of nonesense, but your description regarding witchhunter is so accurate it made me raise my brows.